Trudi and I have traveled to churches all over the country the last 20 years. We have conducted many meetings and seminars dealing with the subject of marriage. Marriage is the foundational relationship that causes life to work on planet earth. Great marriages don’t just happen by the luck of the draw. They must be built on the principles that God lays out in the Bible.

More than once pastors have made a comment something like this to us: “This teaching is really good. There is a couple in our church that are really struggling in their marriage. This would have helped them but they didn’t come.” Why wouldn’t they come? I’ve wondered myself what is the answer to that question.

Sometimes God will answer your questions out of the words that come out of your own mouth. As we discussed this recently I heard myself say, “A lot of the reason men don’t like marriage seminars is that they don’t like to be corrected in front of their wife.”

When I said that it resonated. Why would that be true? Some of it is a pride issue. It’s not fun to be confronted with the truth that a big part of your problem is you. God designed the man to lead and no man wants to have to admit he failed. But if you’re not willing to make some adjustments, you just won’t grow.

Let’s take a look at how God designed this deal called marriage to work.

In Genesis 2 we see how the man was created first and placed in the garden of Eden. We don’t know exactly how long, but it was a while before his bride Eve came on the scene. I believe this was Adam’s training time. God was teaching him how to lead in his marriage so his wife would come into a protected environment.

When the training was complete God said, “It’s not good that you are alone, Adam. I’m going to give you your wife. She will be called a woman.”

Another way to say that is she will be “the man with the womb.” A woman is a man with a womb. Women have something no man has. A womb. Think about the working of the womb. We could say that a womb is like an incubator.

My daughter was born 6 weeks premature and the doctor placed her in an incubator for 2 weeks. The incubator was a controlled environment of temperature, oxygen, humidity and light that allowed her to develop to the point she could live on the outside.

So we could say an incubator takes something that is undeveloped or raw, develops and matures it, and gives it back better than it was received. That’s the way God designed the wife to work. She is the man with the womb. She is an incubator. The husband brings her raw material and she will take it, develop it, and hand it back to him better.

So men, it works something like this:

If you give your wife a bag of groceries she will take it, incubate it, and give you back a meal. If you give her a house, she will incubate it and give you back a home.

If you give her a sperm, she will incubate it and give you back a baby.

If you give her a smile and kind words, she will give you her heart.

But if you give her trouble, she will incubate it and give you back untold grief.

That’s the problem with many marriages today. The husband is not giving the wife much to work with.

1 Corinthians 11:7 tells us that the wife is called to be the glory of the man. Another way to say that is the wife is the “reflection” of the man. Men, if you don’t like what you are seeing in your wife it might be time to take a look at what you are giving her. Are you giving her something that she can incubate for blessing? If not, what can you change?

God loves you and wants to bring about growth and fulfillment in your home. But as crazy as it sounds, God can’t bring change until you and I are willing to make changes ourselves. It starts with us. Somebody said this years ago but it still holds true today. If you’re only willing to do what you’ve always done, you’ll only have what you’ve always had.

For more information on family building God’s way I recommend our book, “How to Devil Proof your Family” available through our website or Charisma House Publishing. Much of the information I’ve talked about today was gleaned from a wonderful preacher named Myles Munroe who is in heaven today. I want to give him due credit.

Thank you for your support partners.

Have a blessed May, Ken and Trudi

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