In today’s culture, people think that relational chemistry is this magical thing between two people and everything will be perfect and you will live happily ever after. But a huge part of marriage is bending, stretching, listening and bonding.
To put it bluntly, GROWING UP! Ouch! Iron sharpening iron makes a sharper more precise weapon, but it also causes some friction in the process.
Science tells us that the biggest potential for creativity comes from opposites or a bonding of things that are different.
Case in point, take for instance the periodic table of the elements, (remember chemistry class), or maybe you would rather not, but it makes a good example.
There are 110 to 120 different elements not 1000 or 10,000. Everything we need for life is a consequence of these elements bonding and making compounds.
Let me illustrate… Water = 2 hydrogen Atoms – 1 oxygen Atom. One of life’s most important resources is a result of two things bonding. When an Atom of Sodium and an Atom of Chloride bond, they become Salt. Interestingly enough, the two substances separately are poisonous.
Anything in isolation will not grow. It gets weird! That’s why God looked at creation and said in Genesis 2:18, it ‘s not good for man to be alone.
Marriage is a Science. 1 Peter 3:7 (King James Version) Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers are not hindered.
The word knowledge in this verse is translated science in the Greek.
It is a great honor, Husbands, that God created you first. That means, so to speak, you have home court advantage. But with that comes responsibility. God made man first, put him in the Garden, and gave him instruction on how he wanted to operate.
Genesis 2:15 Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.
To tend or work… men need a job, and keep or guard.
Husbands are to provide and protect. This doesn’t just mean physically, but spiritually as well.
Men are very good at being willing to use their physical strength to protect their families. But your spiritual protection is more important than the physical. Praying, being a student of God’s word is a man’s number one job, not just the woman’s!
God wanted this established before Eve came. THEN, after there was a place of love, security and provision, God brings his wife on the scene.
She was a gift from God to Adam, to help him do his job. Her role in its truest form is much like the role of the Holy Spirit. The wife was designed to be a counselor, helper, advocate, comforter, intercessor, strengthener and standby. She was not designed to carry the load; she was designed to help you carry the load. She is the weaker vessel, but that doesn’t mean the less valuable vessel.
The word weaker in I Peter 3:7 actually means, more fragile or priceless.
For example; if you bought a vase at Wal-Mart for five dollars you might place it on the coffee table because if it got knocked off by one of the children, it wouldn’t be that big of loss.
But if you bought the same vase at Neiman Marcus you probably would put it in a high place where it won’t be easily broken.
In other words it is not something that you treat casually, it is to be treated with honor and respect because it is valuable. Your wife was a gift from God and the more you learn how to draw on her value, the better off you will be.
So far, we have discussed that knowledge equals science, the real meaning of weaker vessel, to revere as a valuable vessel. And that not working on communication in congress with appreciating each other’s role in marriage will hinder your prayers.
Let’s look at the word dwell this time. The phrase “dwell with” in 1 Peter 3:7 literally means “to dwell down with; to be aligned to.”
In other words, you are allowing God to work in your lives. You are settling down, and not looking for any excuse to get out of the house. It comes as no surprise that one of the major causes of unfaithfulness on the part of the wife is the continued absence of the husband.
One of woman’s top needs is security; she needs to feel you are permanent. That nothing will take your focus from her, her children, or her home.
This is not just you physically coming home every day, but really being there with your heart and mind, because one of her other top needs is communication. You really need to put the spotlight on her and her needs in every area and most of all… listen.
Here’s 3 communication builders for Husbands to help you learn to dwell with your wives better.
1. Women focus on connection. They want to be in your life, they want to be a part of your world. That’s why they ask questions.
2. A woman hears complaints or discontent as an invitation to move closer. What’s wrong! Girls use talk to negotiate closeness.
3. Women sometimes just need a listening ear, not a fixer.
In a woman, stress produces a reaction in the emotional center of the brain.
Talking stimulates the production of serotonin to relax the brain, so she’ll instinctively talk in order to feel better. Husbands, all you have to do is listen!